Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
