I wish life had little blips of pornography
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
