By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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