Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I deserve this hangover.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
