my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
