i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
