Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize