I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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