she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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