btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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