Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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