I will die if light touches me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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