I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
