I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
