i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
