When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
