Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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