He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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