doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
