I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
