So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
