I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
