if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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