I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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