You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
