Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
