When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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