rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
sex in a hospital.. check
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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