i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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