It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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