i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize