Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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