Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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