Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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