Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
