***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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