please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
