i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
