Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
pop tarts are not kleenex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
