The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
