I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
