just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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