what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
