Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
