so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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