i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
