I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
