I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
