Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize