You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
