you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
