she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
