Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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