i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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