thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
