You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
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NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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