What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
