K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
