She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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