Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
